Leaving

I did it. I've put a date and time on it, and I officially have a departure ticket home in April.
  As of today, I only have ONE month left of school with my amazing students.

My feelings?
All over the board.
I'm very excited, overwhelmed, very sad, but most of all...I'm scared.
Scared of leaving this place I love so much. Scared to leave my wonderful class to whatever teacher comes next. Scared to restart. Scared to assimilate back. Scared of/for so many things.

It seems strange, the feeling of being scared to go back home. I've never felt scared to leave somewhere or get on an airplane and leave before, until now. The life I've built here is entirely different than my life in America. Different food, different stores, different way of teaching, different clothes, different way of driving, different ways of travel, different language, different customs, and even different ways of cooking/eating. It feels strange to know that I will soon be an "outsider" in the place I am from, the place that my passport will always connect me to. Since being in Thailand, when I have visited home I felt SO overwhelmed by the pace of life. Life moves much faster and with much less regard for your fellow human. It intimidates me to know that I will have this feeling of being overwhelmed for awhile after being "home." I know that I will fall back into the swing of things, but right now it's quite daunting.

Culture Shock. This is a term we all know and have often used. But what about reverse culture shock? The phenomenon that occurs when a place that was once your home now feels foreign. I honestly never thought I would feel scared to go home. But yet here I am! Scared of how different and big and overwhelming America is.

Another big feeling? Sadness. I’m so excited to be closer to my family, to hold my baby niece, and to take my dog on long walks again. However, I’m incredibly sad to be leaving my Thai students, life, and the Thai family that I’ve been welcomed into. Right now, it still feels surreal, it hasn’t set in that I’m leaving yet. But every time I look at the calendar I get slapped with a huge reminder of just how little time I have left. I’m trying so hard to soak in each moment; to remember how my favorite street food tastes, how passionate I feel about helping and guiding my students, how the wind feels in my hair as I drive my motorbike, how it feels to feel this excited for the work week.

 Even though I cane here with the intention to teach, Thailand has taught me more than I could ever explain.

Photos are from our Children's Day celebration because I love these little people enough to wear matching plaid shirts with them!






Location: Saraburi, Thailand

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